world's coolest toys pt. 1: ghost of capt. kidd

I collect old toys. I should say I used to collect old toys. I no longer have the disposable income I once did. To tell the truth, I never really had the disposable income and yet I would collect old toys.

Not just any old toys, I collected the toys that I or a friend or relative had when I was a child. I used to say that I was buying back my childhood. One toy at a time.

There is one toy, however, foolishly given up in my youth, that has eluded my ability to buy back. It's an action figure that was put out by Matchbox Toys. It was part of their "Fighting Furies" pirate series and he was called the Ghost of Capt. Kidd.

In 1975, when I was ten years-old, I was looking through the Sears Christmas catalog, something every kid must have done in those days, when I spotted him. There he was, the Ghost of Capt. Kidd. He was pictured with two or three other pirate figures, but I didn't care about them. I wanted the ghost.

I saved up my allowance money and, when I had enough, my mom ordered it for me. I don't remember how long I waited, but I'm sure it felt like weeks and weeks.

When the fairly plain and unassuming package arrived, I was beside myself with excitement. It was worth the wait, because it was such a great toy. It had a button on its side that you could push to simulate sword fighting. And though it was a bit smaller than my Johnny West and GI Joe, it had a feature that they didn't. It could glow in the dark!

To this day, kids dig just about anything if it glows in the dark. Matchbox had the brilliant idea of painting, in pale white, a skull and skeleton on the figure. So, he didn't just glow, he glowed so you could see his ghostly skeletal structure. It was a very cool and eerie effect.

Glowing in the dark! How cool is that?!

The Captain quickly became one of my favorite toys. I would frequently bring it over to my friend Todd's house, along with my other action figures, and Todd and I would play with his GI Joe action set and his actions figures for hours.

Once I left the Captain at Todd's at the end of one of our adventures. I had to go home. I think Todd may have asked me to leave the Captain, so he could play with it some more. Todd was very good to his toys, so I wasn't too worried about him having one of mine for a while longer. The only thing is is his family then went on vacation. They would be gone for at least a week and I'd be damned if I would be without such a favored toy for so long.

I hatched a plan.

Todd's house had an attached garage which led to their basement. I knew that his family never locked the garage door (those were the days). My plan was simple: I would head over to his house, open the garage door just enough for me to crawl under, go in, and get my toy.

I'm certain the statute of limitations has long since past, so I can tell you now. My plan worked like a charm. I retrieved my toy and no one was the wiser. I don't think Todd ever knew I'd broken into his house. And I was single-minded. There was no taking of any of his toys or comic books, no stealing money, no going through his older sister's underwear drawer (Come on! I was only ten!). I was there for the Captain and that's all I took.

The Shroud of Turin?

As with so many of the other toys of my youth, the Ghost of Capt. Kidd went away. No doubt, sold at a garage sale. How I have grown to regret giving him up.

I've never been able to get him back. I've seen him on eBay a couple of times and once came close to getting him, but, at the last moment, someone swiped him away from me. Now my money is needed for more mundane things. You know, food, clothing, mortgage. Nothing so exciting as the Ghost of Capt. Kidd.

I just called Mattel and asked if they'd consider reissuing the Fighting Furies, especially the Captain. Toy companies have been known to reissue toys from time to time.

They might. Pirates are so hot right now... in Somalia.

the 80s' top ten saddest songs by the replacements

You may not be aware of it, but there is a pretty entertaining podcast and blog called Stuck in the 80s. As the title suggests, they pretty much cover everything in the 1980s. Well, except television and politics. The hosts are Steve Spears and Sean Daly and they are very fun. There have been other co-hosts with them over the years, but Steve and Sean are the main duo.

Sometime back, Stuck in the 80s treated us to Sean Daly’s top ten saddest songs of our favorite decade. At least, that’s what I remember the list as being.

I won’t go into my assessment of Sean’s list, but I will say that almost half of the list consisted of songs by or featuring Phil Collins. (Seriously, sometimes it seems these guys think that Phil Collins was the only musical artist of that decade. Well, him and Asia.) Sean’s list inspired me to do a list of my own. My list will feature very emotionally charged songs by just one artist; 80s critics’ darlings, The Replacements.

And you thought I was going to say The Smiths.

The Replacements were lead by one of the 80s’ (and all time, for that matter) finest songwriters, Paul Westerberg. Paul’s lyrics could funny, irreverent, and gut-wrenching. He certainly wore his heart on his sleeve. A fact he acknowledges on his first official solo album, 14 Songs, in the song ‘First Glimmer’.

Maybe these songs aren’t all sad, per se, but they are powerful, poignant works of musical art.

And none of them feature Phil Collins.

10) Johnny’s Gonna Die (Sorry, Ma, Forgot to Take Out the Trash)

A song about knowing your hero is a flawed human being destined for disaster. In this case, it’s about Paul’s hero, Johnny Thunders. Johnny died of a drug overdose in 1991.

“Johnny wants something what he ain’t got”

9) Answering Machine (Let It Be)

This is a song of the frustrations of attempting to achieve true connections to another person.

“How do I say ‘I’m lonely’ to/ An answering machine?”

8) Sixteen Blue (Let It Be)

I think every high school age boy should thank Paul for understanding and getting it right. This song can be considered the boys’ version of Janis Ian’s ‘At Seventeen’.

“I don’t understand/ Tell my friends I’m doin’ fine”

7) The Ledge (Pleased to Meet Me)

I love the sound of the guitars on this song. A song about a young man, standing on the ledge of a tall building, finally getting the attention he’s craved all his life only when he’s decided to kill himself. And, at the end of the song… he jumps.

“I’m the boy they can’t ignore/ For the first time in my life, I’m sure”

6) Skyway (Pleased to Meet Me)

A song about a love that seems as though it will never be fulfilled, fate keeps him away from the object of his desire.

“There wasn't a damn thing I could do or say/ Up in the skyway”

5) Sadly Beautiful (All Shook Down)

Technically, this isn’t a 80s song (All Shook Down was released in 1990) and All Shook Down could be considered Westerberg’s unofficial first solo album, had the label not insisted on releasing it as a Replacements’ album. The song is just too damn good to leave off the list, so I’m grandfathering it in.

For me, the song voices the deeply felt regret that life goes by so fast and the joy of having lived at all. In every way, this song lives up to its title.

“Had no chance at all to let you know/ You left me sadly, beautiful”

4) Within Your Reach (Hootenanny)

The line I site says it better than anything I could write here.

“Live without your touch/ If I die within your reach”

3) Achin’ To Be (Don’t Tell a Soul)

Here we have the frustration of wanting to be loved and truly understood, and trying so hard, but still failing.

“If no one’s on your canvas/ Well, I’m achin’ to be”

2) Here Comes A Regular (Tim)

Anyone who has spent an appreciable amount of time drowning their sorrows at the local watering hole will feel a chord struck with this song.

“All I know is I’m sick of everything that my money can buy/ A fool will waste his life, God rest his guts”

1) Unsatisfied (Let It Be)

This is an anthem for anyone who has ever been mad as hell, and I guess that would be everyone.

“Look me in the eye/ Then tell me/ That I’m satisfied/ Are you satisfied?”

You can check out the Stuck in the 80s blog and find out how to download their podcast at http://blogs.tampabay.com/80s You may find a comment or two from me, I go by Dr. Dim.